Last night, my husband and I had mind blowing sex. The kind that makes you both talk about it the next day and silently grind up against each other in the kitchen while you’re making breakfast. The kind that makes you feel like there is nowhere else you would rather be than with each other.
We have a great sex life. Not as frequent as we would both like and so different to the sex we had when we were younger. Its not glamorous and it’s nothing like the movies. Unless the movie is about two pastey white balloons rubbing against each other trying not to wake the kids up.
I have no reason to think that my husband isn’t attracted to me. He says all the right things, he shows me all the right things and after 17 years together, he’d love nothing more than for me to walk around the house naked 24/7. He doesn’t care about my pastey white balloon skin, my stretch marks and scars from housing our children or my lopsided pancake boobs.
After sex, when the lights were turned on, I lay there looking at my body. Instead of replaying what just went down in my head and feeling even more connected to my husband, what did I do? I moved my legs so they wouldn’t be so flat and cellulitey. I sucked my stomach in. I tilted my head so my chins didn’t multiply. It was almost like I didn’t want him to come back into the room and regret what he just did by seeing my body all sprawled out. Which is madness. And insulting to my husband to even assume that they could possibly be his thoughts.
He of course walked back in with a massive smile. Well raced in because he thought one of the kids had gotten out of bed. And no kid wants to see their dad running down the hallway naked.
It was at that very moment that I thought ‘What the hell are you doing? Your husband, who adores you, who was just so in sync with you just a minute ago, is not repulsed by you. His hands were just all over this body that you are criticising. He’d go again if it wasn’t so late!
How can I be so proud of my body for what it has achieved in one breath- It’s gone through puberty, it’s lived with stress, It has carried 3 children. It has breastfed for years. It has grown and swelled and changed and done exactly what it was supposed to do. But in the next breath, tell it that it’s horrible and not worthy of love and attention. By the one person who truly loves it.
So I’ve thought about it all day. And what would I tell anyone else who had confided in me with these thoughts?
You’re a fool friend because your partner loves you.
Your partner wants you.
Your partner loves your body.
Your partner is proud of your body and what it’s done.
Your partner is lying next you. You! Because he chose you. You’re his pick out of anyone else out there.
Do you know how amazing that is?
To know that your partner wants to be that close and intimate with someone, and that someone is YOU.
In whatever form you are. He chose you and continues to choose you.
I think we need to trust ourselves more. And give ourselves the same support we give those we love. Boost ourselves up and be confident. Confidence is hot. Confidence is attractive.
So if you’re anything like me, don’t fill your head with nonsense. Don’t ruin wonderful experiences with negativity. Especially about yourself. Don’t talk about yourself that way. And just enjoy the sex. When we think about the moments we have had in our life, we won’t think about what we looked like then. We’ll just remember it as wonderful and how lucky we were to be loved.
*These are true facts written by me. Unless you are my children, then they are hypothetical and have nothing to do with the sounds you hear in the night.